Right Relationship

How to choose the right partner

Robin — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 23:45:51 +0000

When you’re playing the dating game, it’s hard to have a clear sense of discernment about whether someone is the right person for you. We generally know what we don’t want in relationships based on previous experience and a vague idea of what we do want in a relationship. But how do you know if they are right for you? Having a shopping list too specific to the qualities we want in a partner…

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Repair: your relationship’s secret weapon

Robin — Mon, 30 Sep 2024 04:56:33 +0000

Previously, I have written about how to have productive relationship conflict using a basic understanding of neurobiology and communication skills. In this post, I’ll discuss how to repair if everything goes horribly wrong. A big reason why many people fear conflict is that, in addition to the stress of conflict and rupture, we lack good models for effective repair. Our culture doesn’t teach…

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Turning relationship conflict into gold: The Art of Communication

Robin — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 05:01:28 +0000

In the previous entry, I discussed how relationship conflict primes our nervous system to prepare for danger and threat. I also discussed steps to reduce threat signals to create safer conflict. Understanding the neuroscience behind why we become heightened in conflict allows us to minimise the risks and dangers that lead to escalation and rupture. Many therapeutic approaches focus on active…

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Turning relationship conflict into relationship gold (Part 2)

Robin — Sat, 13 Jul 2024 07:35:32 +0000

Healthy relationship conflict involves understanding some basic neuroscience and employing effective communication strategies. When we get this right, we take the danger out of conflict and minimise the risk of escalation and rupture. Today, I’ll focus on the neuroscience side of things. Understanding how our nervous systems respond during stress allows us to minimise escalation through self…

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Turning relationship conflict into relationship gold

Robin — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 08:22:47 +0000

If there’s one thing people most dread in relationships, it’s conflict. We avoid conflict or treat it as a hallmark of a dysfunctional or failing relationship. It’s understandable why we might have this view. Few of us have models of how to have healthy relationship conflict, and we live in a culture that romances the happily ever after relationship ideal. Conflict is essential to healthy…

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Why relationships require rituals

Robin — Tue, 30 Jan 2024 23:35:56 +0000

Romantic relationships thrive on the delicate balance of love, trust, and connection. Underpinning that balance is a sense of stability and shared meaning between partners. Relationship rituals are an important way of helping couples create symbolic meaning and shared memories. All couples participate in rituals, knowingly or not, and they are intrinsic to being human.

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The 5 Ps of relationship security during the holiday season

Robin — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 06:07:43 +0000

The holiday season can be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. It can also be chaotic, stressful and overwhelming, as many couples navigate myriad stressors that may impact the security of their relationship. Relationship insecurity often leads to conflict, leading to more relationship insecurity and thus becoming a negative feedback loop! Relationship security is one of the main…

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5 common attachment myths

Robin — Thu, 28 Sep 2023 03:41:19 +0000

Attachment theory is having its moment! There’s so much information out in the public sphere now—books, podcasts, social media pages, workshops—that it is easy to become overwhelmed by it all and hard to discern what’s true and what’s not. Personally, I am excited there is a growing public awareness around attachment however I also see a lot of bad or misinformed opinions being published in…

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Why secure functioning is better than secure attachment

Robin — Fri, 25 Aug 2023 02:33:37 +0000

It’s commonly thought that having a secure attachment style in yourself or your partner is the holy grail of relationships. The belief goes that if you have a secure attachment style you won’t be troubled by the push-me-pull-you of insecure attachment and that relationship stability will follow. There’s no doubt that secure attachment is important for relationship stability, however…

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Nervous system regulation during difficult times

Robin — Fri, 04 Mar 2022 02:47:16 +0000

One of the main things I focus on as a foundational practice in my sessions with individuals and couples is arousal regulation. That is, learning how to be aware of and manage stress and stressors in real-time as it affects one’s nervous system. I actually think that understanding our own nervous system and personal window-of-tolerance, as well as how to stay within it or get back in it…

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