The summer holiday period is often depicted as a time of family, connection, and celebration, but for many people, and especially many neurodivergent people, it can also be one of the most demanding times of the year. Sensory overload, social expectations, disrupted routines, and pressure to be keep up with it all can lead to overwhelm and exhaustion that others may not fully grasp.
If you’re autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, highly sensitive, or otherwise neurodivergent, getting through this time of year isn’t about coping better or trying harder; it’s about honouring your neurotype, supporting your nervous system, and creating experiences on your own terms.
In this article, I’ll discuss why this time of year is not neuro-affirming and strategies for getting through without burning yourself out.
Why the holidays are not neuroaffirming
This time of year is a neurodivergent nightmare! Public environments often involve flashing lights, new smells, tinny and repetitive Christmas jingles, noise, crowds, and constant movement. Even pleasurable sensory input can quickly escalate into sensory overload. When your nervous system is already working overtime to process the world, this time of year can feel like a constant flood.
Socialising means transitioning through many different environments with different people, each with their own unwritten social expectations and rules: small talk, rapid shifts of attention, knowing when to speak, when to laugh, when to join a group, and when to exit. Holiday conversations often involve small talk, banter, big groups, social tension, or fast-paced back-and-forth. When communication styles differ, it’s easy to feel out of sync or misunderstood. This misattunement can deepen feelings of loneliness even when you’re surrounded by others.
Many neurodivergent people mask to get through the various social engagements happening at this time of year. Masking may help social interactions run smoothly, but it comes at a high cost. After a lot of time spent masking, neurodivergent people may feel depleted, disconnected from themselves, or overwhelmed by shutdown or anxiety.
Finally, routines bring predictability and stability. When work closes, schedules change, there is a roster of family and social events to attend, and different things to cook, the regular structures that you may have relied on to keep a consistent life rhythm are disrupted, which can feel overwhelming and dysregulating.
How to create a sensory-friendly holiday
1. Build a sensory refuge
When out and about shopping or socialising, identify places where you can decompress. These might be a bedroom, bathroom, a quiet corner, or even outside under the sky or against a tree. A brief retreat can reset your system before overload turns into full-blown shutdown.
Plan ahead and pack an emergency bag of supplies with gear like:
- noise-cancelling headphones
- sunglasses or a hat
- fidgets or stims
- weighted blanket or warm hoodie
- familiar scents
2. Modify what you can
Be strategic about when you go shopping, so it’s first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening, once the crowds have thinned out. If the lights are too bright, dim them or wear sunglasses (if you are able). If certain fabrics irritate you, choose comfort over being dressed up. If loud music overwhelms you, lower the volume or find a quieter location. You don’t have to endure discomfort to make the holiday “work.”
3. Give yourself permission to say No
As much as you are able, you can decline to attend events, leave early, or choose smaller gatherings. It’s okay to opt out of traditions that don’t serve you. “No,” is a complete sentence, as is: “I’m going to rest now, I’ll join you later.” Having pre-planned phrases can ease anxiety: “I need to take some time for myself,” for example. Scripts can support social fatigue.
4. Unmask when it’s safe
If you’re with people who understand you and who you feel safe with, experiment with how much you can unmask. Masking isn’t a requirement for belonging; sometimes, reducing it is what allows real connection to happen.
5. Maintain micro-routines
Find small routines to help space out the days and weeks. These might include rituals to savour your tea or coffee before you start the day, a dedicated time out or nap, a regular meal or snack. Micro-routines help stabilise your nervous system amid change.
6. Tend to loneliness and emotional overload
Even if you love aspects of the holiday season, grief, comparison, and old wounds can arise. Support yourself by acknowledging feelings, ensuring that you have a safe person or two you can contact, spending time in nature and engaging in grounding activities that utilise the senses.
Celebrate in your own way
Christmas doesn’t have to look traditional to be meaningful. Many neurodivergent people find joy through:
- special interests (holiday deep-dives, themed crafts, curated playlists)
- quiet rituals
- one-on-one connection instead of group gatherings
- online community spaces
- structured conversations rather than chaotic mingling
- giving practical or interest-based gifts rather than symbolic ones
There is no “correct” way to participate in the season. Celebration is valid even when it is gentle, minimal, or entirely self-created.
The heart of managing at this time of year lies in choosing your needs over (your own or others’ expectations). You are not rude, difficult, or too emotional for your boundaries, communication differences, or energy levels. You are simply honouring how your brain and body work. With intention, kindness, and self-permission, create a holiday season that feels gentler, more authentic, and more aligned with who you truly are.
If you need support with managing neurodivergence or being neurodivergent in a relationship, reach out to learn more about how individual relationship therapy might help.