Blog
Writings and musings on relating and relationships
Turning relationship conflict into relationship gold
If there’s one thing people most dread in relationships, it’s conflict. We avoid conflict or treat it as a hallmark of a dysfunctional or failing relationship. It’s understandable why we might have this view. Few of us have models of how to have healthy relationship...
Why relationships require rituals
Romantic relationships thrive on the delicate balance of love, trust, and connection. Underpinning that balance is a sense of stability and shared meaning between partners. Relationship rituals are an important way of helping couples create symbolic meaning and shared...
The 5 Ps of relationship security during the holiday season
The holiday season can be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. It can also be chaotic, stressful and overwhelming, as many couples navigate myriad stressors that may impact the security of their relationship. Relationship insecurity often leads to conflict,...
5 common attachment myths
Attachment theory is having its moment! There’s so much information out in the public sphere now—books, podcasts, social media pages, workshops—that it is easy to become overwhelmed by it all and hard to discern what’s true and what’s not. Personally, I am excited...
Why secure functioning is better than secure attachment
It's commonly thought that having a secure attachment style in yourself or your partner is the holy grail of relationships. The belief goes that if you have a secure attachment style you won’t be troubled by the push-me-pull-you of insecure attachment and that...
Nervous system regulation during difficult times
One of the main things I focus on as a foundational practice in my sessions with individuals and couples is arousal regulation. That is, learning how to be aware of and manage stress and stressors in real-time as it affects one’s nervous system. I actually think that...
The paradox of vulnerability
Vulnerability is critical to deep and intimate relationships. Try as we might, there is no getting around this basic fact of relating. To reveal our deep, guarded inner selves and have that met and held with respect by another person is the very essence of intimacy,...
Managing your relationship’s integrity
What does the word integrity mean to you when you hear it? And how do you think integrity applies in your relationship? In the past I’ve always thought of integrity as meaning something akin to honour. A common definition is it’s the thing you do when no-one else is...
Riding the Covid merry-go-round as a couple
For many Melbournians lockdown 4.0 probably comes with a feeling of déjà vu. We’ve done this before and we’ll do it again, but we wish we didn’t have to in the first place. We’re nearly a week in and with the extension returns the sense of uncertainty, limitation, and...
Good reasons to get couple’s therapy
There's a saying in Traditional Chinese Medicine along the lines of if you get sick, fire your doctor. A doctor's role is to keep you healthy, to prevent sickness from occurring in the first place. I wish people would take the same approach with couple's therapy...
