Secure functioning starts with better agreements
Relationships require agreements. Although this might sound like a straightforward idea, in practice it’s uncommon. Many couples operate from different assumptions about how their relationship should work and different (and often unspoken) assumptions inevitably lead...
Gottman vs PACT vs EFT: Which relationship therapy is right for you
If you’re researching relationship therapy, you’ve probably noticed that there are many different approaches. It may be hard to know where to start among an alphabet soup of modalities. Not all relationship therapies are alike and, furthermore, not all are...
The 5 types of family dynamics
Not all families are the same, and we tend to think of family problems as personal or unique. While every family has its own history, how families differ, and how those differences shape our experience of love, safety, connection, and conflict share more in common...
The 3 Levels of Intimacy You Need to Know
Most relationships don’t fall apart dramatically. Instead, they slowly drift over time. What was once intimate becomes distant. Partners haven’t stopped caring for each other, but they’ve lost the capacity for relational depth. As relationship expert John Gottman...
How to find the right therapist for CNM & polyam partnerships
In the previous article, I discussed the suitability of various relationship therapy modalities for consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. In this article, we’ll focus on what to look for in a CNM-affirming therapist. Just as not all relationship...
A therapist’s guide to finding CNM-affirming relationship therapy
With more than 5% of the population in a non-monogamous configuration, it’s disappointing that there is no specific relationship therapy modality tailored towards consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. Relationship therapy suffers from a mononormative bias...
A neurodivergent holiday guide to avoid stress, overwhelm and burnout
The summer holiday period is often depicted as a time of family, connection, and celebration, but for many people, and especially many neurodivergent people, it can also be one of the most demanding times of the year. Sensory overload, social expectations, disrupted...
A Practical Guide to Vicious & Virtuous Relationship Patterns
Have you ever been in a relationship pattern where, no matter how hard you try, nothing improves? You are permanently at cross-purposes; things snowball and snowball fast, and minor misses become massive ruptures that lead to the question: “How the hell did we...