Couples therapy
Great relationships are not always easy...
Relationships are complicated. There is nothing else in the world quite like the feeling of being in love and deeply connected to another person. There’s also nothing harder.
Once the romance ends, misunderstandings start creeping in, fights escalate out of nowhere, intimacy and passion fade and resentment grows, unresolved hurt and betrayal keep stinging and we find ourselves growing more and more distant from the person we were once head over heels in love with.
Nobody teaches us how to be in a relationship, and most of the time we make it up as we go, learning from our mistakes, and often making the same mistakes repeatedly. We might find ourselves trapped in emotional or behavioural loops or bogged down by patterns that never seem to get resolved. Episodes or experiences from the past, or family dynamics from childhood might play out.
There are few things as stressful or draining than relationship difficulties.
Stop the disconnect and start loving again
To sustain that feeling in the long term requires commitment, energy, and a lot of goodwill.
It can help to have someone independent and impartial to hold the space while you work on your relationship , Someone who will listen to both sides of the story without taking sides. Someone who can provide effective tools for you to take away and use in your relationship.
I can help you transform and heal your relationship and understand the deeper patterns that play out in your relating. I can help you create physical and emotional safety, and develop tools from which you can build deep, loving trust and connection. I can assist you rediscover your relationship’s mojo!
Effective relating is a skill that requires developing personal insight, emotional intelligence and attention. When all these qualities are present in a relationship, the sky is the limit!
My specialities
- Attachment issues
- Neurobiology of relationship safety
- Managing boundary ruptures
- Working with trauma, safety and trust
- Infidelity and betrayal repair
- Sex and intimacy issues
- Resolving gridlocked or perpetual conflict and anger issues
- Effective communication and active listening
- Relationship agreements
- Divorce and conscious breakups
- Stale or stuck relationships (roommate syndrome)
- Neurodiverse relationships (one or both partners)
- Polyamory and consensual non-monogamy
Relationship therapy is for everyone
There’s a misconception that relationship counselling is only for those in crisis. The truth is that all relationships can benefit from counselling, no matter the situation or how long they’ve been together.
A house requires solid foundations and so do relationships. Little cracks that go unaddressed and multiply over time will lead to larger cracks that will undermine the foundation of your relationship house. No matter how much love is present, it is much harder to resolve relationship issues when they pile up.
Research says that the strongest relationships are the ones where partners proactively work on relationship issues as they arise, rather than waiting for things to resolve themselves.
What to expect
- An understanding of you and your partner’s neurobiology and how it affects your relationship
- Capacity to regulate your own and each other’s nervous systems during conflict and stress
- Improved communication skills and strategies to de-escalate conflict
- The ability to work together to process and integrate past traumas and stop them affecting your relationship
- Ways of deepening emotional and sexual intimacy
- Tools for effective repair after conflict or rupture
- A clear vision to take your relationship from surviving to thriving!
- The ability to better cohere as a couple
- Strategies for navigating the external stressors of work, family, children and hobbies
- Heightened value, meaning and purpose in your your relationship
- Ways to formulate strong boundaries and agreements to keep your relationship secure
- Tools to incorporate ritual and spirituality into your relationship
- Resources for co-creating an amazing modern relationship!
Frequently asked questions
What happens in a session?
Every relationship is different, so sessions will vary upon what the presenting issues are.
The first session usually involves a detailed assessment of the relationship’s history and a discussion of goals and problems.
Ongoing sessions may involve a combination of talking and education, games and exercises with you and your partner to identify relational patterns and practicising with tools and techniques that offer different ways of relating.
How do we know you won't take sides?
I believe that for the majority of couples, there are no “angels” or “devils.” Instead, there are only negative cycles of relating, and we can work on that together.
For couples therapy to progress, it’s important that you both feel safe. You need to be seen, heard and appreciated and know that your humanity and any human messiness are welcome unconditionally.
How long will it take to see change?
Every couple is different and comes with different needs. Some come to therapy looking for new tools or a relationship ‘tune up’, while others come to resolve deep and long-standing wounds.
I am committed to working with you as efficiently as possible. We will discuss the duration and frequency of therapy in the first session.
Do you work with infidelity and betrayal?
It’s an inherently traumatising experience to feel the security and trust in your relationship break. I work with helping you to first repair the rupture that has been caused and then set out on the path of rebuilding trust and connection.
There are no quick fixes when it comes to infidelity and betrayal trauma. When effectively healed, however, I believe it can make a relationship stronger than it was before.
Do you work with sex or sexuality?
Yes! Many relationship therapists have little or no training when it comes to sex issues in relationships or feel embarrassed to discuss them.
I have not only done training in sex therapy issues, I’m not afraid to talk about them.
Sex is a part of every relationship and I can work with you on any sex or sexuality issues you’d like to work through.
Related posts
A Practical Guide to Vicious & Virtuous Relationship Patterns
Have you ever been in a relationship pattern where, no matter how hard you try, nothing improves? You are permanently at cross-purposes; things snowball and snowball fast, and minor misses become massive ruptures that lead to the question: "How the hell did we end up...
A therapist’s guide to attachment without labels
Attachment language can be incredibly pathologising: anxious, avoidant, dismissive, disorganised. They're not validating terms, and they hardly inspire self-worth or confidence. Furthermore, attachment language can be used to blame and shame, and is often an...
10 principles for a secure functioning relationship
Any relationship founded on trust, safety, and commitment needs to be secure functioning. A secure functioning relationship rests on the principle that each partner benefits when the relationship thrives. It emphasises mutual stability and security as the best defence...